Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Hobb(meh)t

For months, I have had nothing to write about. I've mourned over the dearth of Armitage related news and kvetched. I was not interested in rehashing the already fine hash cooked up by so many others, sometimes, practically out of the barest of leavings. Over the interminable days and weeks, the hash became ash, and, after a time, it all began to taste like gruel to me, like gruel, I tell ya!

And I was bored. Bored of the Hobbit hype, waaaay back when and thereafter. Oh Armitage, how could you??? How could you engage in this absurd and fantastical undertaking with a furry footed midget and your own stubbulised arms and legs? You have been many things throughout your career, but a stub you have not. I wept at the thought.

Okay, I'll give you this- you look hot. These are still your eyes, and it would take some malevolent fairy to give you dark bronzing eyes like in Twilight......no, wait, that's still hot. Well, I guess you would need to do a new version of The Elephant Man in order to hide the sexy.

But you're still a dwarf albeit a large blocky one with great hair, burning eyes and fabulous teeth. I really want to see you run,  because I wonder, will you be forced to mince along on those little stubs of yours? How does that work? Hmmm. How about when you wield your lovely, lilting sword with your stubby arms- will you look graceful? These are the important questions!

                                                    I'm too sexy for my stub

They call me Mr Stub!

I tried to read The Hobbit in my teens and was bored. I never saw the films on the big screen and don't own the first installment on DVD. I rarely watch the others. And yet, I was being forced, yes, forced to go see The Hobbit, because the Armitage was in it and, indeed, "love is stronger than death".  This was a great sacrifice on my part I want you to know. The things I had to do. Sigh. I was almost resentful!

The other day I saw Skyfall on a 70 foot screen. And there, in a preview, was a snippet from The Hobbit, with a giant, stubby Thorin warbling away. Then, as a montage continued, gad, I realised that the visuals were gaspingly opulent and sumptuous, and for a brief, shining moment, I felt thrilled. I would see this because it looked gorgeous, I'm a sucker for splendour, and that would help me deal with the material while I honed in on the dwarf!

Meanwhile, I am stuck with a tsunami of Hobbit PR inundating all the Armitage blogs. I dipped my toe in this evening and almost drowned. I envy that enthusiasm. I also smell their fear because it is my fear. What if he gets really big? Will I be stuck going to films I have no interest in, or will my ardour for the Armitage die because I naturally choke on the stranglehold of hype and bad cinema?

To me the PR is ridiculous as all things over the top fanboy-ey and fangirly are ridiculous to me. This is a juggernaut that overwhelms little non-dwarfish people like me. Everything and everyone is swept up in its wake. The Armitage's world will be chewed up and spit out and I don't have much of a hope of ever hearing anything substantial, such is the gargantuan totality of the PR drive. It's like Transformers...bang, belt and sock. Crush. Like the Hulk- SMASH.


What I will be interested in when I do peek into that world is to see how the Armitage handles himself, how the world receives him, and whether his talent will be buried, become dross, or set alight. Bottom line is that I don't need the fireworks, unless those fireworks are the continued incandescence of his characterisations. Frankly, I wish he were doing small films, and stuff on the BBC so that it would be all about the work. I would rather the scruff of jeans and shirt than the super gloss and stiff spray of the red carpet. I'd rather a star here on earth than in the firmament. I like things small, just not dwarfish. There are enough monsters out there.

See you in line!

Come back, little Richard!


  1. Hey, there you are! I get your fear and I share some of your issues with the Marketing Machine. It would be a shame for him to Go Hollywood, with all that implies.

  2. Agreed. When I "fell" for Sam Neill and decided to watch everything I could find ... well, sure, he's done plenty of very good films, but plenty of crap as well. That tornado movie RA is currently doing? I hope it will be good and not just be one of those crappy B-movies made by Syfy. Time will tell.

    Envious that you got to see a Hobbit preview before Skyfall! We didn't. Nor did we get it before Breaking Dawn p2 either, and we heard of someone who did. :(

    I'm excited about The Hobbit because of RA, but I'm not really keeping up with any news and things. Can't really be bothered, you know? There's too much. I'll just wait for the film to come out.

  3. I would have expected nothing different from you :) Glad you're back, even if just for this post.

    I didn't expect to be moved by the Hobbit hype, either, but I was tremendously wrong. I'm letting myself enjoy it, however, despite my awareness that it's meretricious. One thing I've learned from this fandom is not to be so suspicious of it when I'm happy about something. Plenty of time in the next month to decide it wasn't worth it -- but even then, I won't be sorry that I've been this happy.

  4. Pi, I just love your posts. You always make me smile, no matter the topic. :)

  5. Welcome back to your blog Pi. Where have you been hanging out? I, for one promise here and now that I will never tire of Mr. Armitage's work.
    However I hope he doesn't get a lot of bad guy roles.
    I think so far he looks to be enjoying himself. And why not? It's what he has been working toward all these years. He deserves all the attention.

  6. Thought-provoking, as usual. So glad you're back.

  7. Thought-provoking, as usual. So glad you're back.

  8. I'm along for the ride on this press machine, and I'm having a blast. But what I find most interesting doesn't really have too much to do with Richard Armitage and therefore it's not worth blogging about in the midst of RA and Hobbit hysteria.

    But no question I'll be blogging about my impressions of what's going on, and surprise at RA getting on the press machine is not one of them. My jaded self has been expecting this.

    I look forward to your review of The Hobbit. LOL!

  9. Wow is all I can say about your posts. I have to admit that I am already tired of all The Hobbit hoopla. However, I am VERY happy for Richard Armitage. This is a major turning point for him in his long acting career and I am glad that he has hit super stardom. I am not really a fan of books and movies like The Hobbit, but I did enjoy finally reading the book a few months ago. The only reason that I am going to see The Hobbit movie next Saturday is because Richard is in it so I am not sure that I will like it. I am very willing to give it a chance though. Casting Richard Armitage as Thorin was a very smart move on Peter Jackson's part and I am sure that it has lots to do with all the attention this movie is getting.

  10. I hope Richard stays true to himself; whatever he chooses to do. I also hope more producers/directors see this man's talent and decide to use him in a manner befitting an actor of his caliber because they do not come around often.

    I do think his stylist needs to see the man behind the facade though and bring out that side of his personality more. I do think Richard will see through this phase of his styling and end up getting a better one at some point and time. The man is not stupid is what I am trying to say I guess, not that I know him personally or anything as I am just one of his newer fans that has seen a broad range of his work in the past few months.